Print      
Clothes don’t make the mom
The author notes the lack of harsh criticism of what dads wear.
By Brenda Kelley Kim
Globe Correspondent

This column was written in response to a story earlier this month about suburban fashion.

Recently, there’s been some buzz about the need to reinvent the “suburban mommy uniform.’’ I am a suburban mom, and apparently I have missed a memo.

There’s a uniform?

Perhaps it’s because I’m not that interested in fashion (gasp!) so I never noticed what the other suburban moms who live in my town wear, beyond a cursory thought of “Hey, nice scarf’’ as a mom zips by me in the school parking lot.

Is there a suburb in the Boston area where all the moms wear similar bad clothing and it’s become a crisis? Imagine that. In addition to the children, the home, a job, and all the rest of what moms do every day, there are now a few more tasks on the to-do list.

1) Make note of what the other mommies are wearing. Make certain to tally up how many of them appear to be wearing similar outfits.

2) If a mom is wearing leggings or other workout gear, ascertain if she has actually gone to the gym today. Once that’s nailed down, find out if she showered.

3) If possible move in on one of the herd for a hug, just to see if her teeth are brushed and if it’s possible her clothing was picked up off the floor.

4) Once all the information is gathered, make sure to read a fashion blog to avoid winding up as pathetic as these poor fleece and Lycra-clad souls must be.

That sounds pretty ridiculous doesn’t it? That’s because it is. It’s not a mom’s job, nor is it the job of any woman, to let a blog, an article, or anyone else’s opinion influence her wardrobe.

Why do we assume that what a woman wears is an indication of her lack of caring or awareness? Maybe some days a mom just has other priorities. Why is that not OK? Moms care about a lot of things. What they don’t need to care about is how someone else looks and what others think about their own attire. Why would that matter to a mom, or anyone really? Is it seriously the responsibility of every mom to make sure their outfits please some imaginary audience?

After reading about the suburban mommy and her universal need for a complete overhaul of her closet and her body (no muffin tops!), I checked my calendar to see if I’d been transported back to the 1950s. Nope, still here in the 21st century, thankfully. So why are the modern moms of suburbia the focus of this dressing down?

Women, and specifically mothers, have achieved so much in this brave new world, but yet it’s still about the clothes and making sure all our extra bits are tucked in, stuffed in, and sucked in?

What about dads? Why is there no harsh criticism of the ubiquitous cargo pants and polo shirts? Why has no one decried the overuse of the un-tucked Oxford shirt and Bermuda shorts? Socks and sandals? Those only show up on men, but are they getting beat up over it? Not so much.

But a busy mom in leggings who hasn’t paid into her daily sweat equity? Let’s make sure to take her down.

Once again, it’s the women who are responsible for not only getting it all done, but also for looking a certain way while we do it. This kind of attitude is far more unacceptable than any item of clothing. Enough already. What needs an overhaul is the practice of judging women by what they wear instead of who they are and what they’ve accomplished.

Moms have been advised to get up extra early and make sure they clean up good and get gorgeous. Or what? We’ll be deemed “unfabulous?’’ I thought we’d come a long way, baby. Not really, unless you’re wearing a silk shirt and a classic blazer while folding your laundry.

Brenda Kelley Kim lives in Marblehead and is the author of the book “Sink or Swim: Tales From the Deep End of Everywhere,’’ available on Amazon. What’s your look? E-mail globewest@globe.com.