Q. I am a single mom in my 40s, and I have been divorced for three years. We went through an ugly divorce but things are less ugly now, and we share custody of our child.

I have casually dated since the divorce, and about eight months ago I met a great guy. He is smart, sexy, funny, caring, generous, and we have great chemistry. I really couldn’t ask for a better friend/partner. He is also divorced, but his was a 20-year marriage.

I love him and feel we have a unique connection, but the downside is I feel he is rushing into things. We decided to date exclusively after a couple of weeks. He told me he loved me within a month, and I told him that was crazy since he didn’t really know me. He invited me to a family wedding at three months. I declined, as I was not ready to meet his entire family. He says he wants us to get married some day, after living together, which would be in a couple of years based on logistics with kids. For now, he makes little references to what our lives will be like when we are married, where we will live, etc.

I know some people feel they “just know’’ when they have met “the one.’’ But my brain is telling me most guys don’t want to discuss marriage so early, especially when there is already divorce on both sides.

I’ve talked to him about this and he thinks I’m just afraid to trust again. Maybe he is right? I say only time will tell. I only knew my ex for two years before we got married and I think we made a huge mistake not living together. I did not know who my ex really was. My close friends think my guy is great, and I really like his friends, too.

Is early marriage talk a red flag, or am I being unfair to him based on my bad experience?

Too Soon?

A. I wouldn’t worry about what “most guys’’ do. Instead, think about whether this man is trying to get to know you. Does he ask questions and spend time figuring out how he fits into your life? Has he explained why his connection to you is so strong? It’s important to know that what he feels about you is unique, and that he couldn’t be this happy with just anyone.

He does seem to understand that marriage is a long way off, and that he’s planning for “someday,’’ not tomorrow. Based on what you’ve told us, he gets — and respects — the reality of the timeline. That said, if he’s dropping too many comments about life in the future, let him know that you’d rather talk about how things work right now. You want to feel like you’re both invested in your relationship as it grows.

I don’t see any red flags here. Maybe a very light yellow one. Some people do “just know’’ and like to plan out loud. It’s not the worst thing.

Meredith

READERS RESPOND:

I get where letter writer is coming from. It’s as if this guy ended a 20-year marriage, and is over-eager to jump right back into that kind of familiarity and commitment, without remembering or understanding the dating process.

DORA79

It’s not a red flag, per se. For some reason he feels OK discussing marriage. You do not. You communicated this to him and he should respect that. Maybe it is unfair of him to speculate as to why you are not ready to discuss marriage but as long as he respects your timeline you should be fine.

SUNALSORISES

Would you rather hear that he is wavering in his commitment to you or be kept guessing? R-E-D

I’d like to know how long he’s been divorced. If he’s just divorced and you’re his first relationship I’d be a little more concerned.

BETTYMCBOOPFACE

I see a red flag, but I think the red flag is you. You are not ready for this commitment yet and I think that is understandable. ASH

Stop stinkin’ thinkin’ . . . rejoice and embrace.

BACKBAYBABE

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.