Q. After a recent family gathering, I received a series of disturbing e-mails through Messenger on Facebook from my brother-in-law of 19 years.

First, he stated that he would like to “talk apart from family gatherings’’ because he wanted to “get more of a feel for who you are as a person.’’

At first I thought that was nice, but he then went on to state that there is more to life than “constant surveillance, restriction, etc.,’’ noting that “everyone needs a safety valve sometimes.’’

He later noted, “I have carte blanche from my wife to do whatever I want, as long as I don’t bring home any surprises.’’

Even though he implored me not to “blab it around town,’’ I’ve shared this with two women friends and my husband.

They all think, as do I, that it’s a pick-up, and very odd and strangely aggressive.

I, for one, am trying to figure out how I led him to think this would be OK with me.

His wife (my sister-in-law) is an angel, but is fiercely protective of him. I think she would just be mad at me and my husband if I told her. I have not responded at all to these messages, however, there will be family gatherings this fall and now I don’t know how to behave. Can you make any suggestions? Perhaps I’m reading this incorrectly?

Bewildered

A. You should make two assumptions: That this is a come-on, and that you have not done anything to lead this man on.

Your brother-in-law is being rude, ridiculous, and disrespectful.

You should respond to him (not his wife), saying, “I find these messages very unwelcome and would appreciate it if you would direct your attention away from me. I see you as a family member, along with your wife, and I don’t wish to communicate privately with you.’’

If he continues (other than to acknowledge receiving your message), and certainly if he ramps up his aggression, you should screenshot his communication and forward it to his wife.

Amy Dickinson can be reached at askamy@amydickinson.com.