Q. I am writing to you about a guy who’s my good friend. About four months into our friendship, I told him I had feelings for him. He said he did not want to date anyone at the moment, but insisted we stay friends, so I agreed. Our friendship continued as if I had never said anything.

Fast forward a year later and we are spending almost every day together. Before, he would never even touch me, but now we sit next to each other and sink into each other. He compliments me often. If we go out for lunch at a fancier location, he pays. For my birthday, he got me an expensive gift. He also got me a card and wrote two paragraphs in it about how happy he is to have met me, how happy he is that we are such good friends, and how he hopes that we will always have each other to lean on.

I want to say I am in love with him, but I am afraid he does not care for me as more than a friend, just because he has not said it. Sometimes I believe he behaves this way with me because it’s his nature. Other times I feel so confident that he’s into me as more than just a friend. I want there to be more.

He tells me all the time how he does not want to disappoint the people in his life, so I am wondering whether that has something to do with it. After all this time, it seems to me that he is not the type to date around, and that he has other ways of getting to know someone before he selects a good candidate, so ... could that be why he has not said anything? Or does he simply consider me a friend, and nothing more?

Good Friend

A. If at first you don’t get an answer that makes sense, ask again. Your relationship with this man has evolved into something even more confusing than it was when it started. It’s time to say, “Hey, are we becoming something more? Have you changed your mind about dating?’’

Make sure you also ask him how he feels about you. He said he didn’t want to date anyone right now, but what if he did? Would you be the object of his affection? Explain that right now, it’s more disappointing to have a vague, confusing answer. You’d rather know where you stand.

If he responds with a “no’’ or “not right now,’’ I want you to think about how much time you can spend with this guy without feeling bad about what you’re not getting. It would help to get some attention from other people, even friends and family.

Pining for someone can be addictive. The only way to avoid that kind of behavior is to get answers and believe them.

Meredith

READERS RESPOND:

If someone I loved wrote to me “how happy he is that we are such good friends’’ I would start looking for an actual boyfriend.

THENURSE

“He tells me all the time how he does not want to disappoint the people in his life.’’ This jumps out at me. What an odd thing to keep saying.

MOVA

I’m not sure, letter writer. The only way to know for sure is to ask. But prepare yourself for any number of reactions. Sometimes we can see our own directives in other people’s behavior even when they’re there. It does sound like you’ve gotten much closer. A card about being friends forever sounds like it’s about being friends forever.

ELLLEEM

You are going to have to ask him and then set some boundaries based on his answer. For example, if receiving expensive gifts makes you confused, then tell him no more expensive gifts. SUNALSORISES

Maybe it’s time to say this.

Maybe it’s time to say that.

Make sure you ask him this...

Shut up and kiss him already.

PEREITDOWN

The sinking into each other on the couch thing is a pretty big sign. Or maybe you just need to buy a new couch.

RICH1273

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to meredith.goldstein@ globe.com.