Unicorn

Americanus-Billionairus

Beautiful, incredibly rare mare ritually sacrificed by techno-druids

for a billion dollar IPO

Narwahl Street

Canadus-Billionarius

Home of the Canadian Unicorn, the Narwhal

Patent Ogre

Predatoryus-litigious

Just stole your Unicorn/Narwhal with a club (patent-pending)

Google Succubus

Giveus-ur-dataus

Does No Evil (Terms and Conditions apply)

Gentrifigriffin

Griffindorus-Displacucus

A formidable creature, combining a lion, eagle, and a recent MBA grad

Pandora’s Cardboard Box

Bubble-gonna-popus

Once home to all the evils in the world, now the last affordable place to live in Boston

Broclops

Myopicus-brogrammus

Large eye perfectly suited for coding, beer pong

(Lives with Gentrifgriffin in Pandora’s Cardboard Box)

All-Mummy Advisory Board

Ancientus-Boys-Clubus

Secured the first round of venture capital on the Sphinx

Goddess of Equal Pay

Justice-absenteeus

Despite anecdotal claims, existence has never been verified

Jason Novak is a cartoonist in Oakland, Calif. Adam Bessie is a writer and community college English professor in Berkeley, Calif.